TALK Me: what time do u intend to stay until Sherwin: dont noe. till ppl start to dispose disperse* Me: dispose HAHA +++ [Having conversation over lunch about wedding stresses] Dave: What if I just propose to you now? Me: What are you going to propose with? A calamari ring?? Dave: Yeah, why not! +++ Me: you are just made of fail Nath: is there a rude finger emoticon i wish there was because u would be receiving one most definitely. Me: ..I. Nath: niiice +++ Janine: are u going to wear ur new jeans 2nite?? ^^ Me: oh i've been wearing them, they're dirty now ;p Janine: aw boo do u like it tight? Me: oh ye its fantastic i have to peel them off my legs when i take them off Janine: hahahha did they stretch after a few washes? Me: i havent washed them yet LOL Janine: lol DIRTY MAN +++ Me: her husband is as interesting as a bag of potatoes +++ Dave: did u bring any muesli bars? we have like 50 million Me: have 1 Dave: what type? Me: squashed Dave: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm +++ [Watching TV game show] Game show host: "Name your worst Christmas present." Woman: "My ex-boyfriend bought me an iron." Dave: What if I bought you an iron? Me: I'd brand you with it. +++ [Singing to tune of Aaliyah - Try Again] Dave: If at first you don't succeed Reinstall the app and try again You can restart and try again, try again +++ [Watching TV ad about an Egyptian cuisine show] Marc: Wouldn't it be so wrong if they ate camels? Dave: It's like eating your car. +++ Me: you lie ~_~ Dave: -_- Me: ._. Dave: ____ Me: oh that was stupidly funny Dave: he melted Me: i know LOL +++ Man: Hello? Dave: Uhh.. sorry. I think I might have the wrong number. Man: Who are you after? Dave: After my dad, actually! Man: Well, my son's sitting in the room next to me, and I'm sure he knows where I am! +++ Dave: Do you think I'm a WYSIWYG kinda guy? Me: You're more of a password protected kinda guy, I think. +++ Me: eating hello panda atm ^.^ \(O_O)/ ROFL Dave: no more sugar for u +++ Me: where's darwin again :( Damir: LOL Me: hobart? Damir: northern territory Me: fuck Damir: LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLL +++ Ben: I heard somewhere that he is a superhero of some sorts...... he can shoot lasers from his fingertips or something.... Dave: nah, that's me....i shoot them from my eyes when photographed :P +++ Dave: and it was a bird that crapped on me :( supposed to be good luck isn't it? Me: you've been with that bird again..... haven't you! Dave: ohhhh susan.......ho hohohohoooooo +++ Siar: It doesn't feel like a Monday today. Mike: That's because it's Tuesday. +++ Dave: Cheese pizza. That's gotta be the worst thing for you. Heart attack in a box! +++ Dave's dad: [Pointing to Dave's car] And that's his penis. +++ Dave: What are you waiting for? Me: Shouldn't you put the apple crumble in the microwave first, before you put the icecream on? Dave: Good point. +++ Dave: Fucking pineapple head. That's gotta be the worst hairstyle ever. It's like someone just gave birth to him. +++ Me: It wasn't that bad, was it? Dave: I've seen the steaks you order at other places, they're pink in the centre. But this one was so red I could have sworn it was mooing. +++ Me: just watching vids of people playing they fking look retarding stomping like elephants retarding..... yes i just pwned myself +++ Harry: give me her msn =P Me: omg.. she's going to think im a weirdo Harry: slackkk Me: i should ask her first or something Harry: is she full viet? Me: yeah man Harry: she got a really beautiful face aehaehhaehea Me: lmao seedy bastard Harry: in a complementing way u fuk dick head Me: its ok man.. you can just say you wanna root her Harry: GAHAAHHHA i'll be too intimidated Me: since when are you intimidated Harry: trust me i put on a pedstole Me: a what?? Harry: petstool petastool Me: wtf is that Harry: well wtf i'm tryin to say is she's one of those girls i will really try to get to know and i put on a higher place sort of thing LOL Me: omfg pedestal Harry: dats wat i fkn sed +++ Jase: Embaracer yourself Embrace eben Me: lmfao Jase: Fuck Stipd typo I'm not eebrn drunk Wtf Ok Me: LMAO? Jase: I'm just spastic Some days later, he conceded that he had indeed been drunk. +++ Foj: i havnt really gotten into hardstyle it feels like happy hardcore but without the happy +++ Dave: lol got a cherry ripe given to me cause i shook the shit out of the vending machine Me: LOL why were you shaking it?? Dave: cause it didnt give me my muesli bar Me: HAHAHA +++ Will: yeh cos underneath that rough exterior lies a huuge javelin right up his ass +++ Me: [Pointing to car dashboard] How come it's empty? Didn't we fill the car up yesterday? Dave: That's the temperature gauge. +++ Dave: whats our return date? Me: was it 7? Dave: or 8 Me: check gene's email Dave: 7 Me: you're getting old :) Dave: your birthday 22/05? Me: im gonna smash you die young Dave: what is it? Me: 17!!!!!!! Dave: thats what u get for joking about the date :P Me: I DID NOT!!!!! you just got confused. Dave: u did too every day id say happy birthday you would change the date Me: LOL i have no idea where you got 22 from its you who keeps forgetting :P Dave: man, wheres the bloody link for employee travel insurance Me: ~_~ DAIIIIIIVEEEEEEE Dave: hhh there it is :) Me: THIS IS what happens when you dont have a decent meal in the morning you are a car running with no oil you are a cup of froth without the beer the tomato sauce without the hot dog Dave: so it was the 22nd right? :P Me: ... Dave: LMAO Me: if you get a black eye, dont ask me why +++ Dave: She's definitely shagworthy. I'd wear two rubbers. Marc: With Deep Heat in between! +++ Dave: ok, ive had enough, lets go home :) Me: OK i said good afternoon instead of good morning :( Dave: awww, a terrible breach of protocol wanna take monday off? since we are workin sunday? Me: lol you've got training Dave: bloody shit mutha ass bitch Me: LOL +++ Dave: im loasin my mind!! +++ Siar: i did it in less than a min Me: damn you so is that what you're meant to do to fix that particular error? Siar: do i need to explain, it might be too technical for u to understand Me: bastard Siar: haha do u know how to recreate a citrix profile? i can explain it to u in shopping terms if it helps? Me: im so gonna kick your ass +++ Me: extra far Harry: It's orite extra fast on my bike From my house to martin place on my bike 15mins in the morning Me: oh serious you just ride a bike into the city? bike as in bicycle right lol Harry: Eahaehaeh ur an idiot Motorbike u tool +++ Me: im so bloated Dave: from what? Me: not sure subway apparently Dave: it was cooked dodgy mine wasnt even toasted Me: ffs really subway staff are so retarded Dave: i didnt expect my sandwich artist to be an impressionist Me: why, what Dave: cause mine turned out like a picasso Me: ....abstract? cubical? Dave: semi abstract, with heavy influences of fauvism the overall mockery of quality in the piece suggests a juxtaposition of quality that fully underlines the morose intellect of the artist in other words, was rubbish :P +++ Me: iBored Dave: iLoled +++ Dan: Damnit, someone took my old parking spot. Will: RAM HIS CAR! +++ Me: [Giving a girl an intense dirty at Sublime after being rudely shoved] Andy: Just dot her Stel! I was a Warlock in WoW at the time. +++ Janine: Fuck, I just tasted my earwax. +++ Me: You always say, "Yeah, I'll do it!" but I swear you never bother. Janine: I promise, I'll mop the house within 24 hours. Me: If I beat you up 9:30pm tomorrow, don't ask me why. +++ Janine: Oh my God! What's wrong with you? You've used up this much [hand gesture] toilet paper already! Do you know when I piss, I use 2 squares, and when I shit, I use 3 squares?? +++ Janine: [Reading leaflet guide from eye droplet medication box] "Advise your doctor if you become pregnant whilst using Naphcon-A Eye Drops." Whaaaaaaaaaat. Omigod omigod. Does that mean I can become pregnant from this?? +++ Janine: [Walking out of bathroom] I think I ripped my anus. +++ Me: so you're just gonna be a bum eh Sinan: haha yeh i'll be on the streets asking for (abo voice) buck ten but GST these days so it'll be (abo voice) 2.20 +++ William: hey.. i heard from mo we have an assessment end of next week.. or is the son of a bitch bullshitting me Me: AHAHHAHA i think so next term bro. first week back William: he also said we have sum excursion to a chocolate factory Me: oh that's true William: u serz? how much is it Me: can't remember.. didn't moey tell u? man i'm looking fwd to it so bad William: it's a chocolate factory man.. did da teacher or moey tell you? Note his name. +++ [Unsuccessfully attempting to get food from a vending machine at school at the end of lunch] William: I betcha they put a timer on it or something, so when the bell rings you can't get anything from it. +++ Corey: Are things alright with you and Ness now? Or does he still have his period? +++ Me: [Grabbing Ness' hand and running it under a barcode price scanner in Toys'r'us] Ness: See? I'm priceless! +++ Amelia: Sir, could you write bigger please? Jenny: Yeah, size matters! Dean: No, it's how you use the texta. +++ Mr Adams: A student's intelligence is inversely proportional to the distance they sit from the teacher. +++ Janine: Fuck I'm warm. I've never been so warm in my life! Me: You used to bag me out for wearing layers of clothing, you fucking snowman. +++ Rebecca: i ate raw bacon thinking it was ham +++ Me: it's so frustrating talking to you.. you're indifferent to everything i say Nic: okay +++ Nic: u know the maddest thing about satin sheets? u can pretend its water n swim in it +++ Edwin: he does like u for u if he had no dik, he'd prolly marry u +++ Nic: [Stripping down to his boxers in the middle of a busy intersection in Chinatown, waving arms madly] Hey! Hey!! Wait for me! Me: Oh my god, how embarrassing. Janine: Just pretend we don't know him. +++ Ewat: i wore my sister's underwear once fuck that sucked +++